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Ofsted before Christmas

Image from Wikimedia

Ofsted before Christmas
based on "A Visit from St Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore

Twas the night before Christmas, when all round the land
Teachers were livid no time in their hands
Their assessments were due, SMT wouldn’t wait
And they’d better be good or they’d meet their fate

Their students were hoping for Christmas instead
Michael Gove ended that, “Rigour” he said
and facts and more facts” were the only things true
that teachers should teach so start learning them through

When outside the school there arose such a clatter
Yet no one looked round to see what’s the matter
Due to LO’s and feedback and keeping the pace
of the learning that Ofsted wanted in place

The Head sauntered out to find out the fuss
And immediately ran back shouting “Offfffffstedddddd” and cussed
Teachers dropped pens, students looked aghast
Would Christmas be cancelled? They’d find out fast

The inspectors hovered in, pushed the secretary away
“We demand cups of tea” someone heard them say
“And then summon the staff so we can see
who will fall victim to our misery”

With no time to panic not even despair
every classroom was readied and told to prepare
for an inspection that would search, find out and destroy
any teacher using teaching to help girl or boy

“Now Mr James, Now Mrs Jones, Now Miss Smith and then next
is that NQT known as Becks
Onto Year 1, then 2, 3 and 4
5, 6, the HT then out the door”

They spoke not a word and went round every class
sat in a corner, stared then asked
“What have you learned?  How long has that taken?
“20 minutes” I answered “if I’m not mistaken”

“20 minutes” they wrote and nodded their heads
the pace of the learning was rapid” they said
The inspectors were happy with all that they saw
Every teacher sighed relief as they walked out their doors

With the end in sight the staff had pulled through
The Headteacher was last but needed a brew
The outcome was good with some Outstanding
better than last time” we all shouted clapping

As Ofsted turned round to go out the door
We peeled the Headteacher up off the floor
They left without smiling, and drove out of sight
And with that we wished each other Merry Christmas and good night


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